May 2023 was one of the darkest months in our marriage, and we’ve been married for 22 years.
Why?
In mid-April, Jacob was notified that his department was being eliminated by the company he was currently working for, and he would be laid off in June.
And by the end of April, Backwoods Music Festival 2024 was cancelled, the company was going bankrupt, I lost my job immediately, and the community we had both invested so much time and energy into died and evaporated almost overnight.
For the first time in our relationship, we were both facing unemployment at the same time.
Our oldest and money-conscious son was about to start his senior year of high school, and we had just committed to him to pay for his college. He would not be taking out any financial loans, and the perceived burden and responsibility of that promise weighed heavily on both of our hearts.
We must keep our promise to our son—but how? We didn’t want our fear to affect our children or cause them extra stress.
We opted not to tell our children about Jacob’s situation, but my news was impossible to keep a secret. Actually, I had never experienced losing a job publicly like that. I was devastated and lost.
Although being the event director of a music festival wasn’t a dream I chased, it was an unsolicited opportunity that seemed to come from the Divine. I didn’t know what to do with myself once it disappeared.
I had discovered a reality that allowed me to completely be my authentic self and challenged me to level up in all the ways simultaneously. It was my dream job.
So, what do you do when your dream seems to be stripped away?
“Maybe you should use our frequent flier miles and go see Gayle in Florida,” Jacob suggested.
I hadn’t gotten out of bed in several days. I was in a dark, proverbial hole of my own making, and I didn’t want to come out.
Who am I now? What am I going to do now? How are we going to make it through this?
Jacob was right. I was in a spiral of confusion and self-doubt – totally a midlife crisis. I had forgotten who I was, and I needed someone who loves me and knows me well—someone removed from our specific life situation—to help me remember. And who else is best to help me remember my own magic than my fairy godmother?
I flew to Florida to stay a week with Gayle.
If you’ve read my book, you’d know that Gayle was the woman I met in Egypt before having children who helped me remember my fairy nature through a past life regression that she led me through.
This poem poured out of me on the flight home from that visit…
Sometimes, I feel so alone
Lost and confused
Looking for home
My truth, it seems, hidden from me
But really, it’s Maya
Not letting me see
That’s why friendship is truly a must
I need those reflections
In which I trust
To guide me right back
And remind me, I’m home
I need not fear
I’m never alone
For each shining soul
Lives deep in my heart
And radiates her brilliance
Reminding me that this life is art
I create my reality
Through thought, word, and deed
Therefore, I commit to let go of greed
Entitlement
Jealousy
Pride and arrogance
That hinders my magic
And keeps me entranced
In the delusion that hinders my soul
We are not separate
I remember unity is the goal
And so, I go forth and move on today
To greet my next chapter
And get out of Spirit’s way
Although I desire to know what’s next
I let go and surrender
Trusting Spirit knows best
I’ll take each day one step at a time
Listening for omens
And watching the signs
Thank you, Great Spirit, for the mystery
I welcome you now
To show off through me
The essence of this poem has been my prayer for the past year.
Thank you, Great Spirit, for having a bigger dream for me and my family than we have for ourselves. We trust that you know the purity of our hearts and our deepest desires, so we trust that you will bring into alignment that which will help us realize our most abundant timelines through the people, circumstances, and opportunities you bring into effortless alignment in our lives.
And it’s happened.
We’re in a better place now than we were then.
Jacob was able to find another job—getting paid more than he was previously—in an industry he was even more passionate about, before his previous job ended. We weathered the storm of our darkest days without our children ever getting wet. SCORE!
Although I often miss our Backwoods fam, had Backwoods not died, this past May would have been heart-wrenching. Backwoods happened in the first week of June in Arkansas, and I was expected to be on-site for the month leading up to showtime. Had I been on Mulberry Mountain instead of at home, I would have missed Nyjah’s senior year festivities—an important stent in the timeline of our family, a precious time that I couldn’t have ever gotten back—and that would have broken my heart.
Instead, literally the day after Backwoods died, I met the man who would become my new mentor and boss. Working with Turnipblood Entertainment allows me to work from home, be present for the comings and goings of our family, and choose when and where I work. I may not be making as much money as I was with Backwoods (yet), but abundance is relative. It’s not always about money.
I heard something recently that hit hard…
The way you change the world might have nothing to do with what you do but who you raise.
Before this midlife crisis, what I did was extremely important to me. I wanted to have a positive impact on the world. But what if what I’m doing has nothing to do with the impact I’m truly here to make?
What if my greatest gift to the world is actually who my children become?
And it takes a village. We’re not meant to do this life alone.
Who I spend my time around affects who I am and the quality of my presence, which directly affects my family. The village we build around us becomes the base note of our reality.
So, while I often miss our Backwoods community, the illusion that it was stripped away ended up creating space for us to not only spend precious, important time with our family—we’ve invested more into the friendships that directly support our family, those who’ve been more like cousins, aunts, and uncles to our children.
And that is what’s brought me back to myself. I may still be in midlife, but I’m no longer in crisis.
This life is a gift, and I’m grateful for the lessons that come with it.
Sometimes, that which seems to be devastating ends up being a blessing in disguise.
There’s a hand at play that knows what’s best for you, what’s best for me, and knows what we need.
Trust in the unfolding of your life.
Look for lessons. Look for omens. Look for magic.
It’s always there waiting for you to notice.
Until next time…
XO
Aubrey Warren: The Festival Fairy Godmother 